No, I’m not kidding.

When I was living in Ottawa, shopping at Giant Tiger, I found this… “gem” in a bin. And I’ve just got around to watching it now. And, wow.

The accents, are horrid. They’re… like if I went around being British, but WORSE because I’ve taken dialect lessons before. :P It’s sort of like a Cinderella story, I think. There’s this girl, Angelica, who is staying with a lady and her two fat singsongy daughters who won’t let her go to parties, and make her stay in 3rd class.

Then, there are singing and dancing and rapping animals. It is 1912, and the first musical number is a dog doing some sort of hip hop song. OMG. The lady on the screen at the moment CANNOT be a first class 1912 lady. Her boobs are HANGING OUT. Certainly not the buttoned-up, stiff collared look of a well-bred lady out for a stroll on the promenade in 1912.

So, anyway, Angelica has lost her locket that she got from her mother before she went… er, somewhere? So, she is very sad, and everyone’s like “We’ll help you find it!” And… there are some jewellery thieves on board. She meets a boy at some point, a guy named William who is… Scottish. I think that’s what his horrid accent is supposed to be. And he’s all first class, so, oh no! Cultural divide!

This horrible step-mother-type character is… SO white. And she has RED eyelids. Urg. And I think William is kind of… gay. But then, so is Angelica, always spinning about and flailing her arms. With her really awful accent that makes my ears bleed. “I don’t belong in this world. I could never compete with the lovely ladies around you,” she says. Then she waves goodbye and skitters off in the most horribly slow animation ever. I just. I can’t even explain it. Especially the next bit.

The back of the DVD says “Child-friendly ending assures everyone is rescued and lives happily ever after.” Also, “As it happened in the real story, the Titanic will hit the iceburg but only to determine the beginning of a new life filled with hope for everybody!!” … Yes, the DVD case says !!

I’m intrigued to see how it ends. I’m also sad that I didn’t select the “Sing Along” option before I started watching…

Don’t believe me? Think I’m making it all up? Shame on you! Definitely hop on over to this list of VIDEOS and clips of the film, and see for yourself!! (Oh look, I did it too!)

Tuesday March 10th 2009 — 12 Comments
✯ Posted under { Films }